Thursday, March 6, 2008

I'll Cry Instead

I just got some very horrible news about a friend of mine. She was 35+ weeks pregnant after IVF and just lost her baby today. I don't have any details yet. Regardless of the cause, it just sickens and saddens me. I just can't imagine the pain and devastation of coming so close to having your baby in your arms, only for this to happen. Please send thoughts/prayers to her and her family.

I am just so sad for her. One embryo, one baby, no frozen embryos to speak of, and look what happened. And yet I can't help but selfishly think of my own situation, which was very similar. I was finally feeling comfortable with the thought of having a baby at the end of this journey. Now I wonder. I was always so afraid to accept that good things are really happening; when you do that, something bad always follows. But in preparing for a baby, you have to give in to those happy feelings so you can be fully prepared when the baby does come.

And I had. I had immersed myself in mommy-to-be culture. I started researching baby products and adding items to my registries, fully expecting to need them all. I was chatting about what life will be like 'when the baby comes' and thinking in terms of our lives with a new member of our family. Now what happens if this never comes to be? Am I making it potentially harder on myself if one day we receive the same horrific news as my friend did? How could we possibly go on?

I just really don't know what to say. I am so devastated by this news. There aren't any words to say so I think I'll just cry instead.

9 comments:

Babe* said...

I can't even describe the emotions that I'm feeling right now. From anger, to frustration to why. I'm sure she and her Dh are dealing with the same.

My heart goes out to the family. They will be in my thoughts and prayers.

When we deal with infertility as long as most of us at LP have, we constantly worry. When we receive good news we expect bad news to drop any minute. When we receive bad news it's kind of expected. It's hard to relax and enjoy anything related to ttc.

I've had a hard time with this pregnancy being happy. I too worry about the bomb dropping. After hearing abou this tragic news I'll worry even more.

Mrslady1975 said...

Oh Sheri, you summed up the words that I too posted in my blog. I am saying an extra prayer for all of our If'ers and grads. I can't even imagine how Nat feels or how this must have shaken to the very core any grads.

{{{HUGS}}}

Em

Freyja said...

We'll all cry together. (HUGS)

THE JOURNEY TO A HAPPY HEALTHIER ME.... said...

Ditto to what everyone else has said. Hugs to you.

RLS said...

xoxoxoxoxo

Barb said...

I'm a dumbbut BHW.

That previous comment was from ME. I hate when hubby uses this computer.

Baby Step said...

It is too much to bear. Why do these things happen. My friend lost her triplets a week before Christmas, she went through 7 IUIs and 2 IVFs and FINALLY thought she was there, with TRIPS. And they were all lost - she was over 6 months pregnant. It broke my heart and Nat's story broke my heart again. It almost makes me wonder if IF is better for me, because if I had to go through such a thing, it would break me forever.

Anonymous said...

OMG, that is incredibly sad. I am so sorry for the loss your friend is dealing with. My thoughts are definitely with her and her family. I cannot even begin to imagine.

SIL

THE JOURNEY TO A HAPPY HEALTHIER ME.... said...

Sheri- Just checking in with you to see how you are doing. Hope you are doing okay, how did your glucose challenge go the other day? Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you- take care- sending you and blobby lots of love!