I just got some very horrible news about a friend of mine. She was 35+ weeks pregnant after IVF and just lost her baby today. I don't have any details yet. Regardless of the cause, it just sickens and saddens me. I just can't imagine the pain and devastation of coming so close to having your baby in your arms, only for this to happen. Please send thoughts/prayers to her and her family.
I am just so sad for her. One embryo, one baby, no frozen embryos to speak of, and look what happened. And yet I can't help but selfishly think of my own situation, which was very similar. I was finally feeling comfortable with the thought of having a baby at the end of this journey. Now I wonder. I was always so afraid to accept that good things are really happening; when you do that, something bad always follows. But in preparing for a baby, you have to give in to those happy feelings so you can be fully prepared when the baby does come.
And I had. I had immersed myself in mommy-to-be culture. I started researching baby products and adding items to my registries, fully expecting to need them all. I was chatting about what life will be like 'when the baby comes' and thinking in terms of our lives with a new member of our family. Now what happens if this never comes to be? Am I making it potentially harder on myself if one day we receive the same horrific news as my friend did? How could we possibly go on?
I just really don't know what to say. I am so devastated by this news. There aren't any words to say so I think I'll just cry instead.