Will 12 weeks never get here? While I am so unbelievably grateful to have made it to this point (just shy of 11 weeks as of today), I am still so anxious to be safely out of the first trimester. I know that bad things can still happen, but the likelihood of them happening significantly decreases once a pregnancy has hit the 12-week mark. Yesterday was Thanksgiving, and all day my head was filled with thoughts of thankfulness and gratefulness that I so wanted to share with all who attended our large Thanksgiving feast. However, only a handful of people were in on our secret, and therefore I couldn't go public with any of my feelings.
Next week I am having a Nuchal Translucency Screening. It is a first trimester screening that is done to assess the risk of having a child with a chromosomal disorder such as Trisomy 18 or Trisomy 21. Needless to say, I am quite nervous about it. Every time I read something about TTC when you are over 35 years of age, inevitably there is some mention of these disorders. The risk of having a child with a genetic disorder increases significantly for those of us who are to become older mothers. And the irony is not lost on me either: if it wasn't for my infertility, I wouldn't even be an older mother. I don't know which is the more frightening possibility, as a woman in her late 30's who was struggling with IF- the thought of never having my own biological child, or the thought of having one who would never enjoy the kind of life that chromosomally normal children do. And it would be my own fault. Me and my bad eggs.
Anyway, these are the kinds of things that go through my mind when I think of what I am faced with. It is not all doom and gloom, however. Sometimes, I actually allow myself to entertain thoughts about the perfect bouncing baby boy or girl we could be doting on in a little more than 6 months. But when you don't know what is going on in your own body, the imagination can really take over, and bad thoughts can fill your head. The not knowing has always bothered me more than the knowing; even if the news was not what I wanted to hear.
Which is why I am so anxious for Wednesday to arrive. We should have more information by then about the fate our our Little Embryo that Could. Then a few days after that, I will have a follow-up appointment with my OB-GYN, after which we will hopefully feel comfortable enough to share the happy news about this pregnancy with the rest of our friends and family.
So now we just wait. And waiting, for me, always seems to be the hardest part. Especially when the days crawl by and the weeks seem to last much longer than they really are.