I'm really starting to get fed up with inconsiderate people. At work, while driving, in the doctor's office... doesn't matter- they're everywhere, and it's pissing me the fuck off.
Could be that I'm ultra sensitive to it lately, but it just seems like it happens much more often. Or maybe because I am a much happier person and much more laid back and patient about life, and I like being that way. Why can't everyone be? I don't know. But in the past two days I was just angered way beyond what I could tolerate.
First, yesterday morning I had an acupuncture appointment. It's a good 1/2 hour away without traffic and I am very careful to arrive promptly. Usually I am the first appointment of the morning, but yesterday there was another name on the sign-in sheet before me. My acupuncturist wasn't sitting behind the desk when I arrived, so I figured she was finishing up with her last patient. I went to the restroom and when I came back, my acupuncturist was sitting there so I knew she was finished. I guessed that we were waiting for the previous client to exit the treatment room. So I waited. And waited. How freakin long does it take for someone to put on their shoes, pull down their pants legs, grab their belongings and leave the room, for god's sakes? I'll tell you. It was a good 10 minutes (now making it 15 minutes past my appointment time). Finally this woman comes out into the waiting room and made a joke about how long it took her to leave. Turns out, she took a call on her mobile phone. Are you freaking kidding me? Does the thought cross her mind for a second that someone might need the room? Pissed me off! Not the aggravation I needed right before I'm about to get an acupuncture treatment. Needless to say I did not enjoy it as much as I normally do. I left with a stiff neck and back and a general feeling about how people can be assholes. Not a good way to start off the day.
Then at work, one of my coworkers pissed me off with her inconsiderate behavior. She sent an email out asking when everyone would like to go to lunch. This is something we've done every day since the beginning of time, since we need to have phone coverage at all times. Since we each work different hours each day, one day I might want to go to lunch earlier or later depending on my hours. So I responded with my time choices. WELL, at 3pm when I was supposed to go to lunch, she just LEAVES without a word. Takes my lunch time without saying anything to me. In the almost 3 years I have worked here this has never happened. She is a new coworker and has annoyed me from the first day she started working here, about 4 months ago. Maybe I'm being particularly hard on her since I don't care for her very much. All I can say is no matter what my personal feelings about her might be, I've always been a considerate coworker. There's no excuse for not being one.
Then this morning, during my miserable, rainy commute, this asshole cuts me off and almost hits my car, just because he doesn't want to wait for me to pass before he cuts across two lanes to make his exit. And there was NO ONE BEHIND ME! That really gets me. I'm nervous enough driving in bad weather as it is, with Blobby depending on me for his/her safety, without some schmuck thinking he should have the right of way because he wants it. Boy did I sit on my horn and curse him out (and then apologized to Blobby for my bad language). Not that he cared, because he was off on his way.
Probably the most annoying example of inconsideration is when I hear certain stories about my friends' doctors. I can't believe the nerve of some of them! One of my friends went for her '6 week' ultrasound on Friday to see if her post-IVF embryo had a heartbeat. The doctor could not find one. He scheduled her for a D&E. She and her DH spent the entire weekend devastated because they believed that their last chance at having a child had ended. I cannot imagine TTC for 10+ years, trying all sorts of ARTs, knowing that IVF is your last chance to conceive, and having it end this way.
Thankfully, she works at an OB-GYN's office and asked a coworker to do a quick ultrasound. And there was a heartbeat!! I really needed to hear this news, especially after Nat's devastating stillbirth almost 2 weeks ago. And even more thankfully, she continued with her PIO shots through the weekend hoping for a miracle, and she got it. Her doctor should be shot for giving up so easily (and for getting the dates wrong and underestimating her embryo's progress). So many doctors need to take some bedside manner classes.
I'm so happy to end this post on a good note. Our IF community really needed this.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
I'll Cry Instead
I just got some very horrible news about a friend of mine. She was 35+ weeks pregnant after IVF and just lost her baby today. I don't have any details yet. Regardless of the cause, it just sickens and saddens me. I just can't imagine the pain and devastation of coming so close to having your baby in your arms, only for this to happen. Please send thoughts/prayers to her and her family.
I am just so sad for her. One embryo, one baby, no frozen embryos to speak of, and look what happened. And yet I can't help but selfishly think of my own situation, which was very similar. I was finally feeling comfortable with the thought of having a baby at the end of this journey. Now I wonder. I was always so afraid to accept that good things are really happening; when you do that, something bad always follows. But in preparing for a baby, you have to give in to those happy feelings so you can be fully prepared when the baby does come.
And I had. I had immersed myself in mommy-to-be culture. I started researching baby products and adding items to my registries, fully expecting to need them all. I was chatting about what life will be like 'when the baby comes' and thinking in terms of our lives with a new member of our family. Now what happens if this never comes to be? Am I making it potentially harder on myself if one day we receive the same horrific news as my friend did? How could we possibly go on?
I just really don't know what to say. I am so devastated by this news. There aren't any words to say so I think I'll just cry instead.
I am just so sad for her. One embryo, one baby, no frozen embryos to speak of, and look what happened. And yet I can't help but selfishly think of my own situation, which was very similar. I was finally feeling comfortable with the thought of having a baby at the end of this journey. Now I wonder. I was always so afraid to accept that good things are really happening; when you do that, something bad always follows. But in preparing for a baby, you have to give in to those happy feelings so you can be fully prepared when the baby does come.
And I had. I had immersed myself in mommy-to-be culture. I started researching baby products and adding items to my registries, fully expecting to need them all. I was chatting about what life will be like 'when the baby comes' and thinking in terms of our lives with a new member of our family. Now what happens if this never comes to be? Am I making it potentially harder on myself if one day we receive the same horrific news as my friend did? How could we possibly go on?
I just really don't know what to say. I am so devastated by this news. There aren't any words to say so I think I'll just cry instead.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Two of Us
It wasn't so long ago that 'two of us' had a completely different meaning. It used to refer to DH & me. There was no one else; just us. But now, I am 25 weeks pregnant and looking the part. People are beginning to notice. My identity has completely changed. I'm no longer just me; I am me plus one.
I've been struggling with an internal dichotomy of feelings. I used to be so jealous of pregnant women and how much differently they were treated by our society. I wanted that so much, and yet my attitude was always like, what about those of us who can't have children? Why are we being repeatedly punished? First because we can't have what we want more than anything else in the world; and then, because we now have to witness other women being placed on pedestals only because they are pregnant. Am I not a valuable member of society for reasons other than my ability to procreate? I felt a lot of resentment and jealousy... but mostly anger. Living life without children was a strong possibility and I wasn't going to tolerate differential treatment.
But now, from the moment I started to accept the wonderful reality that I am to become a mother, I struggle with the fact that I am becoming one of Them. You know, one of those women who gets all the attention, is constantly being asked how I feel, do I need anything, do I want to sit down... my every need being attended to. And you know what? I like it. I watched others being the subject of this attention and longed for the day that it would be me. And yet I still remember that feeling that I had towards society's special treatment of pregnant women- that of anger and resentment. And I don't want to be enjoying this.
But I so am. Not necessarily because of the special attention that I have been receiving. Moreso, I am enjoying the fact that we have overcome so many odds that were stacked against us. Blobby is the baby that I was starting to think would never happen; the baby that developed from one lone embryo that was destined to survive when 17 of its brother and sister embryos were not; the baby that was at such a high risk for various genetic abnormalities and chromosomal disorders and yet so far, has been passing all of its tests with flying colors. I do feel like this baby is so special. For whatever reason (and this still boggles the mind), it has beaten the odds and is thriving and growing and will be born. So when people shower me with concern and attention, I will think to myself, I'm not better than anyone else because I'm pregnant, and it's not me who deserves this; it's my baby. I'm just the middle man; the messenger; the go-between. One-half of the two of us.
I've been struggling with an internal dichotomy of feelings. I used to be so jealous of pregnant women and how much differently they were treated by our society. I wanted that so much, and yet my attitude was always like, what about those of us who can't have children? Why are we being repeatedly punished? First because we can't have what we want more than anything else in the world; and then, because we now have to witness other women being placed on pedestals only because they are pregnant. Am I not a valuable member of society for reasons other than my ability to procreate? I felt a lot of resentment and jealousy... but mostly anger. Living life without children was a strong possibility and I wasn't going to tolerate differential treatment.
But now, from the moment I started to accept the wonderful reality that I am to become a mother, I struggle with the fact that I am becoming one of Them. You know, one of those women who gets all the attention, is constantly being asked how I feel, do I need anything, do I want to sit down... my every need being attended to. And you know what? I like it. I watched others being the subject of this attention and longed for the day that it would be me. And yet I still remember that feeling that I had towards society's special treatment of pregnant women- that of anger and resentment. And I don't want to be enjoying this.
But I so am. Not necessarily because of the special attention that I have been receiving. Moreso, I am enjoying the fact that we have overcome so many odds that were stacked against us. Blobby is the baby that I was starting to think would never happen; the baby that developed from one lone embryo that was destined to survive when 17 of its brother and sister embryos were not; the baby that was at such a high risk for various genetic abnormalities and chromosomal disorders and yet so far, has been passing all of its tests with flying colors. I do feel like this baby is so special. For whatever reason (and this still boggles the mind), it has beaten the odds and is thriving and growing and will be born. So when people shower me with concern and attention, I will think to myself, I'm not better than anyone else because I'm pregnant, and it's not me who deserves this; it's my baby. I'm just the middle man; the messenger; the go-between. One-half of the two of us.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
I Feel Fine
On Tuesday, 1/29/08, I had another follow-up appointment with my OB. I saw the third OB in the practice, since they like you to see each doctor at least once when you're pregnant. This was a male doctor, which was strange, because I'm so used to only seeing females. And there's a good reason why I do. He (and I've found, other male health practitioners) blew off a lot of the things we were discussing. Like it was no big deal that they found the Choroid Plexus cyst, because, as he put it, eh, they always go away anyway. Maybe so, but until we know for sure that this particular cyst will 'go away anyway', I'd like my concerns to be validated. Back to my more sensitive female doctor next visit.
So I had my blood pressure checked (normal at 120/80), my weight taken (I only gained one pound since last my visit 4 weeks ago, which makes me even with my pre-pregnancy weight), and protein and glucose levels in my urine checked (both normal). The nurse listened to the heartbeat; really, the nurse did all the work. The doctor just came in, reviewed my chart, felt my belly, and that was all.
The best part about the visit was that this was the first doctor's appointment that I've had since August that didn't require any blood to be drawn! I can't remember leaving that office without a sore vein in my arm or hand. It felt great.
I return for another follow-up in 4 weeks.
I don't know if I've mentioned this, but my one major problem that I've had this entire pregnancy has been chronic sinus congestion and excessive mucus and post-nasal drip. It's pretty gross to talk about, but it's sometimes been so bad that it's made me vomit and dry heave. In fact, I've thrown up more from the mucus than I did my entire first trimester from morning sickness. It has made it very difficult to work because speaking on the phone seems to make it worse and I have to put my phone on mute while I gag and dry heave at my desk. Fun, huh?
So I went to a regular GP doctor about 3 weeks ago. She prescribed Rhinocort nasal spray and told me to buy over the counter Robitussin. I used those for a few days, but honestly did not see any improvement. And I didn't want to be taking any medication just for the hell of it. Then I came down with a bad cold. Actually, it probably wasn't any worse than any cold I've had, but not being able to drug myself full of Nyquil really made me miserable. I was out of work for 3 days because I wasn't sleeping and I couldn't breathe or function during the day. Any medication that I could take wasn't helping at all, so why take it?
When I returned from work, one of my coworkers showed me an article she had read about natural and/or holistic remedies for common ailments. Under 'sinus congestion' there was mention of a Neti pot. I remember that my acupuncturist had mentioned it to me a couple of months ago when I told her about my sinus problems. But then she went on to describe its use as 'pouring water up your nose' and that broke the deal for me. However, I was now becoming desperate to give myself some relief of the constant mucusy post-nasal drip that was making me so miserable, and decided to give it a try.
Best decision I've ever made. I started using it twice a day- once in the morning after my shower, and once at night before bed. I could breathe again, and my mucus was significantly lessened or gone completely. I've been using my Neti pot for over a week now and my life has changed! I am feeling great and can spend more time focusing on all the wonderful things my body is doing.
Like growing! My belly is at a point where people who already know I'm pregnant are commenting on it. I think I'm not quite where strangers would assume I'm pregnant as opposed to just fat, but I'm definitely looking more pregnant each day that passes.
Blobby is starting to kick and punch me too. It's not painful at all; just very weird. I wish DH could feel it from the outside, but it's still a little too early for that. We tried a few days ago. I told him to put his hand where I was feeling the kicks and he didn't feel anything. So what does he say to me? 'Blobby kicks like a girl'. What did he expect- Mia Hamm? Oh god I hope not. At least while said kicking is occuring in my body.
More than halfway now.... 18 & 1/2 weeks to go. :)
So I had my blood pressure checked (normal at 120/80), my weight taken (I only gained one pound since last my visit 4 weeks ago, which makes me even with my pre-pregnancy weight), and protein and glucose levels in my urine checked (both normal). The nurse listened to the heartbeat; really, the nurse did all the work. The doctor just came in, reviewed my chart, felt my belly, and that was all.
The best part about the visit was that this was the first doctor's appointment that I've had since August that didn't require any blood to be drawn! I can't remember leaving that office without a sore vein in my arm or hand. It felt great.
I return for another follow-up in 4 weeks.
I don't know if I've mentioned this, but my one major problem that I've had this entire pregnancy has been chronic sinus congestion and excessive mucus and post-nasal drip. It's pretty gross to talk about, but it's sometimes been so bad that it's made me vomit and dry heave. In fact, I've thrown up more from the mucus than I did my entire first trimester from morning sickness. It has made it very difficult to work because speaking on the phone seems to make it worse and I have to put my phone on mute while I gag and dry heave at my desk. Fun, huh?
So I went to a regular GP doctor about 3 weeks ago. She prescribed Rhinocort nasal spray and told me to buy over the counter Robitussin. I used those for a few days, but honestly did not see any improvement. And I didn't want to be taking any medication just for the hell of it. Then I came down with a bad cold. Actually, it probably wasn't any worse than any cold I've had, but not being able to drug myself full of Nyquil really made me miserable. I was out of work for 3 days because I wasn't sleeping and I couldn't breathe or function during the day. Any medication that I could take wasn't helping at all, so why take it?
When I returned from work, one of my coworkers showed me an article she had read about natural and/or holistic remedies for common ailments. Under 'sinus congestion' there was mention of a Neti pot. I remember that my acupuncturist had mentioned it to me a couple of months ago when I told her about my sinus problems. But then she went on to describe its use as 'pouring water up your nose' and that broke the deal for me. However, I was now becoming desperate to give myself some relief of the constant mucusy post-nasal drip that was making me so miserable, and decided to give it a try.
Best decision I've ever made. I started using it twice a day- once in the morning after my shower, and once at night before bed. I could breathe again, and my mucus was significantly lessened or gone completely. I've been using my Neti pot for over a week now and my life has changed! I am feeling great and can spend more time focusing on all the wonderful things my body is doing.
Like growing! My belly is at a point where people who already know I'm pregnant are commenting on it. I think I'm not quite where strangers would assume I'm pregnant as opposed to just fat, but I'm definitely looking more pregnant each day that passes.
Blobby is starting to kick and punch me too. It's not painful at all; just very weird. I wish DH could feel it from the outside, but it's still a little too early for that. We tried a few days ago. I told him to put his hand where I was feeling the kicks and he didn't feel anything. So what does he say to me? 'Blobby kicks like a girl'. What did he expect- Mia Hamm? Oh god I hope not. At least while said kicking is occuring in my body.
More than halfway now.... 18 & 1/2 weeks to go. :)
Monday, January 28, 2008
Magical Mystery Tour
On Friday, January 25, we had our level 2 ultrasound. I was so nervous about it because of the Choroid Plexus cyst and enlarged kidney that was seen on the 16-week ultrasound 4 weeks ago. Not to mention that what they saw on the level 2 would determine whether we were going to go ahead with the amnio that day.
The weirdest part about the entire visit was what I learned in the first five minutes. The tech had just started to look for the baby on the screen and she confirmed with us that we did not want to find out the baby's gender. I was worried that she would be looking at sex organs that day so I wanted to know ahead of time so I could look away. I asked her if she would be and she replied, 'oh, I already know.' I asked her, just from looking at the baby right now? And she replied, 'no, I knew from the last time.' OMG. The u/s technician and my doctor have both known whether our baby is a boy or a girl for four weeks! It was a very strange feeling to learn this. I mean, we definitely don't want to find out until the baby is born in order to maintain some element of surprise, but it's still a very weird feeling to know that somebody knows!
They also commented on how Blobby has my facial profile. :-)
The weirdest part about the entire visit was what I learned in the first five minutes. The tech had just started to look for the baby on the screen and she confirmed with us that we did not want to find out the baby's gender. I was worried that she would be looking at sex organs that day so I wanted to know ahead of time so I could look away. I asked her if she would be and she replied, 'oh, I already know.' I asked her, just from looking at the baby right now? And she replied, 'no, I knew from the last time.' OMG. The u/s technician and my doctor have both known whether our baby is a boy or a girl for four weeks! It was a very strange feeling to learn this. I mean, we definitely don't want to find out until the baby is born in order to maintain some element of surprise, but it's still a very weird feeling to know that somebody knows!
So we started measuring body parts. Based on the way the baby was laying, the tech was able to see some structures more clearly than others. One by one, each anatomical feature was measured and labeled. Everything seemed to be measuring on target or just a few days behind. We counted fingers and toes, looked at the face and up the nostrils, and watched in amazement as Blobby moved around like crazy. She jiggled my belly a bit to get Blobby in various positions so we could get better views of various structures. My baby is weighing 12 ounces. Wow.
It was a fantastic visit. Until the tech finished measuring everything and called the Maternal-fetal specialist in to do her own measuring. That was when my worrying started. The last time we were there, it was she who confirmed the presence of the Choroid Plexus cyst and enlarged kidneys. The way she studies the screen with an ambiguous facial expression makes me worry because you can't tell if what she's seeing is good or bad.
The bottom line was that everything was measuring within tolerance. Some structures were measuring a few days behind, which can be due to technician variability. I watched the doctor as she clicked on the word "Normal" next to all but three structures. The diaphragm and lips were not coming in clearly enough to see definitively, but the doctor noted that she didn't see anything that would lead her to suspect any abnormalities. Plus, both kidneys were measuring normally and symmetrically, and the best news ever was that the Choroid Plexus cyst appears to be resolving. What a relief!
I will be returning in two weeks to get a better picture of the lips and diaphragm. I am eager to rule out cleft lip, which can be associated with many genetic disorders. Again, the doc did not see anything that would cause concern. And although the heart looked beautiful- four chambers and a normal heartrate, she suggested that we see the Fetal Echocardiologist just for peace of mind.
So, with all the good news we received on Friday, there was no reason to stay for an amnio. We left with smiles on our faces and beautiful photos of our baby.
With no amnio and no finding out the gender, some things about this pregnancy will remain a mystery. :-) We can't wait to find out for sure on the big day!
Edited to add on February 4, 2008:
I returned to the Maternal-Fetal specialist today so they could get a better view of those features that they couldn't see well the last time, the lips and the diaphragm. Blobby was in a completely different position today (head down, feet up by my belly button), and was being a little more cooperative, although the nose was angled right up into the placenta so it was initially difficult to get that view of the nose and lips. But we finally got them and everything looked perfectly normal! We even got a much better picture of the heart, which looked great. The u/s tech and doctor both commented on what a difference a week and a half made with respect to how those particular body parts were showing up.
They also commented on how Blobby has my facial profile. :-)
Next week, I will be seeing the Fetal Echocardiologist. I confirmed with the doctor that it's not because of anything she saw on the ultrasound; only that considering my age and high-risk status, she figured she'd have me cover all bases. My next ultrasound will be at 28 weeks. Normally, I wouldn't go until 32 weeks but again, being high-risk she wants me to come in earlier so they can monitor Blobby's growth. Fine with me. I love seeing that little munchkin on the screen. It is just so amazingly surreal that that 8-celled blastocyst we transfered back in September turned into our little Blobby with moving parts. I am completely in awe.
Monday, January 14, 2008
The Word
So I've been trying not to think/worry/fixate on the soft markers that were found on the ultrasound 2 weeks ago. Later on that week, I had blood drawn for a second trimester quad screen, which screens for spina bifida, Down's, and Trisomy 18. I guess my 'don't worry' approach really worked, because I completely forgot to call for the results of the quad screen last week.
Thankfully, everything came out great. My risk for open spina bifida is 1 in 1500; the lab report states that the serum AFP value is considered NEGATIVE for a pregnancy at this gestational age. My risk for Down's Syndrome was lowered from 1 in 157 (based on my age only) to 1 in 3300, based on my age and biochemical markers; the lab report states that this screening profile does NOT indicate that the patient is at increased risk for a Down's Syndrome pregnancy. My calculated risk for Trisomy 18 was lowered to less than 1 in 10,000; the lab report states that this screening profile indicates that the patient is NOT at increased risk for a Trisomy 18 pregnancy.
So the question remains, should we even allow those 'very soft markers' found on my 16 week scan to affect our decision about amnio. I'd say that the blood tests would be more accurate than a subjective identification and measurement of a couple of structures on an ultrasound. Our level 2 ultrasound will be the true test. The kidneys should be more easily identified by then, and we should have a better picture of the Choroid Plexus cyst.
It should go without saying that I really am praying (to the extent that I pray) for a completely healthy baby. The most common question that I have been asked is if we're going to find out if our baby is a boy or girl (the answer is no, by the way). The gender of our baby has been the last thing on my mind; my concern first and foremost has been the health of my child, and honestly, while admittedly I am leaning more towards one gender than another, I couldn't care less if it's a boy or a girl. I want to give this child the best possible odds of a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life.
I have to admit, however, that I have another reason for hoping that this child is chromosomally and genetically normal. You see, there have been many online conversations on the subject of ARTs and their ethics. My viewpoint is that infertile couples have as much right to a biological child of their own and should be able to achieve one by whatever means are necessary. However, there are some who do not share this opinion. These people are typically of the 'holier than thou' mindset, and believe that they speak the word of God. They lecture and preach that if God had wanted us to have biological children, we wouldn't have been made infertile. Of course, these are people who can have as many children as they want quite naturally, and usually do. They think that people like me are going against God's wishes and deserve whatever punishment we get. We are going to go to hell because we are not leading the righteous path that God has paved for us. And we deserve to never have children because that's 'God's will' and we should never go against God's will. And if God forbid my child was born with something medically wrong, that would be more ammunition for these crazies to preach and lecture that we shouldn't have deviated from the path of righteousness.
So you see why I need to tell all of these 'more righteous than thou' assholes to stay out of my body, mind their own business, and SUCK IT. Beautiful children, conceived via ARTs, are born every day, and their parents love them and care for them as much as God would expect them to.
Thankfully, everything came out great. My risk for open spina bifida is 1 in 1500; the lab report states that the serum AFP value is considered NEGATIVE for a pregnancy at this gestational age. My risk for Down's Syndrome was lowered from 1 in 157 (based on my age only) to 1 in 3300, based on my age and biochemical markers; the lab report states that this screening profile does NOT indicate that the patient is at increased risk for a Down's Syndrome pregnancy. My calculated risk for Trisomy 18 was lowered to less than 1 in 10,000; the lab report states that this screening profile indicates that the patient is NOT at increased risk for a Trisomy 18 pregnancy.
So the question remains, should we even allow those 'very soft markers' found on my 16 week scan to affect our decision about amnio. I'd say that the blood tests would be more accurate than a subjective identification and measurement of a couple of structures on an ultrasound. Our level 2 ultrasound will be the true test. The kidneys should be more easily identified by then, and we should have a better picture of the Choroid Plexus cyst.
It should go without saying that I really am praying (to the extent that I pray) for a completely healthy baby. The most common question that I have been asked is if we're going to find out if our baby is a boy or girl (the answer is no, by the way). The gender of our baby has been the last thing on my mind; my concern first and foremost has been the health of my child, and honestly, while admittedly I am leaning more towards one gender than another, I couldn't care less if it's a boy or a girl. I want to give this child the best possible odds of a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life.
I have to admit, however, that I have another reason for hoping that this child is chromosomally and genetically normal. You see, there have been many online conversations on the subject of ARTs and their ethics. My viewpoint is that infertile couples have as much right to a biological child of their own and should be able to achieve one by whatever means are necessary. However, there are some who do not share this opinion. These people are typically of the 'holier than thou' mindset, and believe that they speak the word of God. They lecture and preach that if God had wanted us to have biological children, we wouldn't have been made infertile. Of course, these are people who can have as many children as they want quite naturally, and usually do. They think that people like me are going against God's wishes and deserve whatever punishment we get. We are going to go to hell because we are not leading the righteous path that God has paved for us. And we deserve to never have children because that's 'God's will' and we should never go against God's will. And if God forbid my child was born with something medically wrong, that would be more ammunition for these crazies to preach and lecture that we shouldn't have deviated from the path of righteousness.
So you see why I need to tell all of these 'more righteous than thou' assholes to stay out of my body, mind their own business, and SUCK IT. Beautiful children, conceived via ARTs, are born every day, and their parents love them and care for them as much as God would expect them to.
Monday, January 7, 2008
I've Got a Feeling
'...a feeling deep inside, oh yeah...'
I'm sure this isn't exactly what Paul McCartney was singing about, but I have been feeling Blobby moving for the past 3 days. I didn't realize what it was when I first felt it so subtly this past Friday. It doesn't really feel like those typical descriptions that you hear when women talk about feeling their babies moving. It certainly doesn't resemble any kicks or pokes; and I couldn't exactly describe it as the sensation of 'butterflies fluttering', although I can understand where that description comes from.
To me (and this will probably sound very strange to many of you), it feels like there is a vibration which lasts for approximately one second and resonates somewhere in the lower right section of my Nether-regions. Yes, that's right- I feel it in my hoo-hoo, my va-jay-jay, my 'down there'. Weird, I know, but that's where I'm feeling it. Could be that Blobby is hitting on a nerve which is shooting down to that area, or it could be that because my uterus consists mostly of scar tissue which probably has little or no feeling, I'm not actually feeling it in the right place, but in the surrounding areas.
On Friday, these sensations were very few and far between- maybe once every 20 minutes or so. Saturday I barely felt them because I was running around doing shopping all day. Sunday I felt them a little more frequently, and today I feel them every few seconds. It's crazy!
Now, I realize that pregnant women can often confuse other, um, bodily functions with their moving babies. I can tell you with the utmost certainty, that this is definitely not gas (a feeling with which I am quite familiar with, thank you very much), or a growling stomach, or nerves, or a rumbling tummy after something that I've eaten isn't agreeing with me. I know what each of those feel like, and this isn't that!
I consulted a friend of mine who had her second child this past summer. She confirmed that during her more recent pregnancy that she felt a similar sensation and felt it very low, so she believes that I am indeed feeling Blobby.
What an amazing feeling. It's my baby!
I'm sure this isn't exactly what Paul McCartney was singing about, but I have been feeling Blobby moving for the past 3 days. I didn't realize what it was when I first felt it so subtly this past Friday. It doesn't really feel like those typical descriptions that you hear when women talk about feeling their babies moving. It certainly doesn't resemble any kicks or pokes; and I couldn't exactly describe it as the sensation of 'butterflies fluttering', although I can understand where that description comes from.
To me (and this will probably sound very strange to many of you), it feels like there is a vibration which lasts for approximately one second and resonates somewhere in the lower right section of my Nether-regions. Yes, that's right- I feel it in my hoo-hoo, my va-jay-jay, my 'down there'. Weird, I know, but that's where I'm feeling it. Could be that Blobby is hitting on a nerve which is shooting down to that area, or it could be that because my uterus consists mostly of scar tissue which probably has little or no feeling, I'm not actually feeling it in the right place, but in the surrounding areas.
On Friday, these sensations were very few and far between- maybe once every 20 minutes or so. Saturday I barely felt them because I was running around doing shopping all day. Sunday I felt them a little more frequently, and today I feel them every few seconds. It's crazy!
Now, I realize that pregnant women can often confuse other, um, bodily functions with their moving babies. I can tell you with the utmost certainty, that this is definitely not gas (a feeling with which I am quite familiar with, thank you very much), or a growling stomach, or nerves, or a rumbling tummy after something that I've eaten isn't agreeing with me. I know what each of those feel like, and this isn't that!
I consulted a friend of mine who had her second child this past summer. She confirmed that during her more recent pregnancy that she felt a similar sensation and felt it very low, so she believes that I am indeed feeling Blobby.
What an amazing feeling. It's my baby!
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